MIA one day already ...
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i'm thinking or not posting this blog like a dairy entry already...
i guess i shld concentrate on juz writing my feelings despite most wouldn't understand if they dunno wad happen ...
but isn't that the point ?
since any ppl can read these ,i dun think i shld post everything here ...
i think i'll juz post the "major" things that happen or my feelings...
ytd,start of AEP ...
reach home around 6pm ...
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walked to the "surroundings" of a flat that mummy not sure whether to buy or not ...
lousy surroundings... juz one bus stop away only and such a big difference...
ppl thr all "gangsters" type one ...
all look so fierce ...
if realli going stay thr, i think i shld took a long way around that area... *the bck of that estate looks quite ok...*
go jurong point buy things :D :D :D (juz NTUC extra onli)
kinda rare for me to go out unless it's some special days or if i go to school ...
i suppose i'm kind of a "home" person ...

nothing today, juz school, AEP and band...
tmr i feel sooo **** lor...
i had no idea whr to go and wad to do....
school ends 2:10pm but AEP starts 6pm ...
idk wad to do ... if go home , i had juz enough time to eat only...
waste $2 traveling fee to eat ?
maybe i go to library lor...
haiz....

countdown
my bday-2days
my lunar bday-5days
sad sad sad...
my bday got band and AEP , meaning, i cannot go out celebrate liao...
lunar bday *i think*got band performance....
suai nia ...

somemore i think teachers got read this blog nia ...
>< kinda of late liao...
bedtime :P
-nid wake up 4:30am tmr...
around 5hours plus of slp...
see? that's why i always doze off in lessons...
i dun haf enough slp...
i had sooo little slp that i think i'm gonna fall sick soon ...

my brain's going to be dead very very soon ...
wifout enough slp (at least 8 to 12 hours ) of slp per day , i can't think...
even going up the bus/MRT and down them, is like , i do it wifout thinking....
one day i might juz be woken by the sudden stop (bus) or "radio" noise (MRT) and go down at wrong station...i might even board on the wrong side (MRT) ...

people looks at me and always thinks i'm carefree and nvr stressed... but they are sooo wrong... i got stressed out almost everyday... I'm juz hiding from myself by "creating" this carefree me and "acted" it out... it's juz the appearance... for example, my exams... I look as if i dun care a darm thing abt it... but i always look up on chpts that i knew i can't understand at home... i seriously dunno when can i face the REAL me... when can i be brave enough to do that ??

the worst thing is , i dun haf that mani friends to encourage me... and the reason why i dun haf much friends , is mainly becoz ...
1)i dun trust ppl ... all becoz of a accident when i was in p3...
2)i'm shy (seriously,try rmbing 1st day of school,i nvr talks to ppl who i dunno,all becoz of this)

as for my family... my younger sisters , they would nvr encourage me... wad they want is my savings.... (i scrimp and save as much as i could and saves around S$100 a term... ) (as for the baby, dun even mention it, she's too small to know all this stuff) my dad, he wouldn't care... he, is alot more interested in being cheapskate (sure, i scrimp and save, BUT i do not buy low quality stuff) and, the "ladies" in Geylang... my mum, she would understand BUT she's too busy working... she's always aslp when i go to school and when i'm aslp, she come bck home...

Life's Hard and we all knew that... So, I'm juz going bck to the "me" that i "created" which is wad everybody thought i am (i wonder wad happens when one day i drop my acting [especially everybody's reaction]) .... i guess i'm so used to acting "me" that it's normal... acting the "me" always helps to destress me alot... maybe becoz that "me" is supposedly a childish and fun and carefree person which i created to escape from reality...

it's late, so ... w8 till tmr or some other day...